Disturbing Dream

SO as you all may or may not know, I have very vivid dreams and they are some times very telling of my feelings of my current situation. The reoccurring one is dark and I'm running ... running ... and running. I can't stop or look back because I know whatever is chasing me would catch me and kill me if I did. Scary! But it has happened to me a several occasions in which I was in a situation that I couldn't figure a way out without someone getting hurt. Thank God, I got out of those situations, but yeah the experiences of hurting people never it right with me. Don't get me wrong, I have never been abused or abused anyone cause I'm just NOT that person. I say that adamantly because I can NOT imagine letting it happen to me; I'm quick to let people know that I got people for times in which I may not be able to strike back. And even then, I have very realistic and evil plans stored just in case. I'm sure I'll never have to use them now though cause Husband is a great friend, husband, and daddy-to-be. If it changes, he already knows ... :D

Anyhow, back to the dream (I'll discuss abuse and my in-depth thoughts on it some other day) or what I can remember of it ... If you have seen Inception, what do you think of what follows?

SO it starts off as a nice bike ride with Jason, a few of our friends and even one of my coworkers. [Odd, but whatevs ...] For some reason I was watching my coworker attempt to flirt with this other random bike rider who was paying her absolutely NO attention. Well we came to a fork in the road and we'd lost the rest of the group who'd taken the right path. She wanted to go with random biker dude down the left path, but I was convinced the middle would be best - it was a shortcut. Shortcut didn't work because school was in session and by the time we got back to the fork, the others had returned there too. She went down the right path [I guess to finish the ride] and I just got off my bike and talked with my friends. [Time went by with folk talking ... ] And then I heard Jason's music and asked him to turn it down because he was being rude. We all were having a conversation and here he was listening to his ipod all loud and obnoxious. Well, he didn't turn it down and just took them out of his ears. This wasn't what I asked and some how made me very angry. I punched him in the face. He didn't retaliate and no one said anything. I punched him again ... and again. Still, no retaliation and no one said anything. [Moments went by .... and we were somehow inside the school] We were talking to our friends again about why some kid got in trouble when we rode up; something about Michigan ... blah blah blah ... And then the anger fired up again as we were leaving the school. I went into the car of our friends to get the keys out of Jason's backpack that was in their car. Still no one said anything about what was transpiring. I got his keys and he said something [no idea what ...] and I threw the keys at him and proceeded to cuss him out royally as I was walking back towards him with every intention to punch him again. [I woke up ... or rather Jason woke me up because he knew I was having a bad dream]

Well, this dream disturbed me so much that I actually woke up angry ... I woke up still angry with Jason. I didn't take it out on him for real though. I just kind of laid still in bed until I got everything under control and came back to reality. How crazy is that?!

Now, I know it was just a dream, but it made me think about if I was to abuse Jason would anyone say anything? Don't get me wrong, I would never want to really hurt him so I'm very doubtful that I'd ever abuse him in anyway (despite what people may think). Again, I'm not into that foolishness. I'm not even the fighting, yelling and swearing kind. I get angry, I stop talking to you - it's real simple. Until we both calm down, we need a bit of quiet & space so that we can come back and discuss this issue in a civilized manner. SO this dream was a terrible shock to me because I can't imagine behaving that way especially over some stupid loud music. Yeah, he was being rude, but no one else cared and it still wasn't serious enough for a punch in the face. And even then, my other issue was with our friends. They said NOTHING and they saw me punch him in the face. I can understand not breaking it up, but to say nothing as your friend gets pummeled (as Jason says from my description of the attack) by another friend. And I don't care that I'm a female because I know that I'm heavy-handed and so my hits could be deadly with anger force behind them.

This dream was a mess and it really disturbed my spirit to the point that I had to pray about it something serious. Prayer is serious, but you know how some times there an extra umph in it? That's the kind prayer I had to do because it disturbed me so. It's as if there some angry force within me that is lurking and waiting to take it out on the people around me. Crazy stuff! But yeah ... pray for me, for us ... and let me know what you would have done if you'd seen me punch him the face - not once, not twice, but THREE times.